My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
