I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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