Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
