Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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