There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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