If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Randomize
