Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
