Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
