his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
