he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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