Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
