Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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