he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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