he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
