That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
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i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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