After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
