Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize