just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
