She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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