I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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