I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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