I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
