she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
