thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
