I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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