Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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