I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
