well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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