I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
