I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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