Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
