I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
