I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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