I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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