On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
