you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle