The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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