We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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