Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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