Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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