Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
