He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
