Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
