I like my sex mixed with concussions.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
