My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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