I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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