Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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