It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
