I think I died a long time ago.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
