you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
