You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
