My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
