I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
