so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
