"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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