Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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