Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
