so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
