Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
