FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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