Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
