I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
