i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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