Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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