Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
