Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
