my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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