next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
