so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
