I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
