True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
