here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
