sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
