She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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