Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
