She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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