It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
